• Posted By Cori @ 12:19 PM • • •
Sunday, June 07, 2009
My niece just left. I love her and her enormous blue eyes and her cute way of calling me "Co-wee" instead of "Auntie Cori" and her fat little ankles and her soft purple blanket but Thank God she's gone home! She is two, need I say more? Oh yeah, her brother was here too but he's six and loves my son and thinks he's like the coolest thing ever so Ty follows him around and lovingly gazes at him as he waxes poetic about all things Pokemon and Bakugan and Nintendo. Really, what more does a six year old boy need? But that Julia is a whole 'nother story! She is so busy and so climb-y and so talk-y and so frustrated when I don't understand the talking and don't offer her 300 choices when she's hungry and only give her a choice between two things, neither of which is the 14 slice of banana bread that she wants. So sorry, Ju-ju, but Auntie Cori has only had 5 and she'd like a couple more so you're doing without, sweet thing. She took 45 minutes of singing and rocking and reading and crying (her, not me) and patting and covering and uncovering and petting the kitty and screaming at the kitty (again her, not me) before she fell asleep last night. She woke up just before 3am and was up for just over two hours talking and crying and...you get the idea, before falling asleep again until the ripe ol' hour of 6:15. Do you know that it's light out at 6:15 in June? I didn't know this. I could have lived the rest of my life not knowing that. Morning and I? We're not so much the best of friends and I prefer to only meet her when necessary for work or something enjoyable like a roadtrip. Not for water and Tom and Jerry and banana bread and cereal and yogurt and popcorn and playing with the doggie and OMG, I'v[e already done tis with my own three kids, do I really have to do this again? Well, yes I do if I want to be the cool auntie and the auntie that she remembers always being there and the one that loves to spend time putting lipstick on her and spraying her with perfume and putting shimmer powder on her cheeks and belly (I didn't even question it) and lets her stir the cream cheese frosting and lick the spoon and someday will listen when her friends hurt her feelings and she is nervous about starting junior high and wonders if that one boy from English class will ask her to prom. So I'll read Goodnight Moon 300 more times and remind her again that we don't pull on the kitty's paws and will do my damnedest to clean the Sharpie off the laundry room door because having that kind of relationship with her is worth it.
And I'm proud of myself for knowing that and acting on it.
Friday, June 05, 2009
I worry about spending money unnecessarily on things that I'd like to have. Today Rob encouraged me to buy a purse that I really admired today while scoping out a 50-80% off closeout sale at one of the local department stores that is going out of business. I haven't gotten a new purse in two years and it was a great deal so I took him up on his offer. But my first inclination was to deny myself, even though I would have thought about it for days to come. I'm proud of myself for saying "I'm important enough in this family to have something new" and not feel guilty about it afterwards. There will always be something I could have spent that money on and it's important to me that most of the time, someone come ahead of me when money has to be spent. I know that I will smile every time I use that bag for the next few months and there have been plenty of times I would pay more for a smile that I genuinely felt than each of those smiles would have averaged out if I averaged out the cost of the bag per smile it caused.
I also journaled my food intake today and walked a couple of blocks when I would have typically driven the truck on that errand. I even ran half the distance since I might as well use the little bit of exercise I was going to get today to it's best advantage. I committed to meet with someone from the kids' school to walk with tomorrow at 9. So I may have set myself up to do something I'll be proud of tomorrow. The next few days are potentially the most emotional days of the year so I'm doing all I can to keep myself in a positive placce mentally and emotionally. Meds have been taken, exercise has been done, sleep is being considered a priority, proper diet has been emphasized. Now if I could just initiate some comfortable communication between Rob and I. Things are definitely feeling a bit strained or awkward at times but we aren't truly arguing or angry/resentful/irritated with each other. We're doing all right!
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Maybe...
I read on another blog about starting a journal with whatever little accomplishment she deemed blog-worthy being written and maybe photographed. I thought it might be worth a try because things have been rough for a year now and I need to start finding little things I do right, rather than replaying the mistakes I've made over and over in my head. I'm not going to promise this will be daily but I'm hoping that I can do this several times per week.
I had my sister over for dinner last night. I was worried that the food would be something she wouldn't like, was a little concerned about cooking lactose-free, thought the house would be a wreck, in general just feeling incompetent when I compare myself to her. At almost 9 years younger than me, she just had the most perfect wedding, graduated with her Bachelors' Degree in Speech Pathology and Audiology, and bought a house. She's just so driven to do things in just the right way, has an amazing sense of self-discipline and such a strong will. You know, all things I struggle with. BUT I did have her over for dinner, didn't feel too inadequate during the visit and we had a really good time talking and being grown-up married women together. She liked dinner enough to ask me to write out the recipe so she could make it for Josh. *Whew!*
I took Seth and Bella to the park today. I'm not good about getting the kids out of the house and off on explorations. No, really not good as in this park is only 2 blocks away down a paved walking path that I love to walk. There is a really fun water feature there that was just turned on this week for the first time and the kids had a great time. Bella never even played anywhere else, just spun and splashed and spluttered through streams of water. There were a couple of young toddlers stumbling through the puddles and falling onto their diaper-cushioned bottoms. I took a book so that I didn't have to talk to the other moms (not over the social anxiety thing, I'm just better at pretending) but I exchanged grins with both of the little splashers that toddled around my feet. All in all, I think I did pretty well but my expectations are set very, VERY low.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
I don't plan on blogging here but I'd like to keep the domain for possible future use. Email me if you have any questions.
